Monday, December 20, 2010

Noel in Paradise?

The number of unmentionables has been rising incredibly over the past few weeks. As I said to Mr. Bennet only yesterday, if you spend more time on the battlefield than the ballroom, something is wrong!

As you may know, unmentionables are a subject of much contention in the Bennet household—but fear not! I have a solution! Why, only last week, my neighbour Mrs. Lucas was telling me about the lovely—and nearly dreadful-free—opportunities for travel to the New World. (Yes, Mrs. Lucas and I are back on speaking terms, though I haven’t forgotten how her daughter Charlotte betrayed our family).

She was telling me about a lovely place in Florida—one of the colonies in the new world. Apparently, there’s a village there called Orlando, which is charming, warm, and has not yet been afflicted by the plague. Why, simply imagine what the balls and events must be like there, with the summer warmth, and not a single dreadful to be had?

I’m currently dropping “hints” for Mr. Bennet—hopefully he will understand what I’m getting at—a lovely vacation for the family, one that’s ever so much more relaxing than a stint in London or a week in Bath. Of course, the trip will take nearly two months to complete, but I would consider it a Christmas worth the wait. What do you think of my plan, readers?


  1. If you don't mind weeks on a crowded, dirty ship with roughnecked sailors you'll have to spend most of your time steering your youngest girls away from, the trip might not be too horrid.

    But once you get to Florida you have swarms of mosquitos to contend with- the blood sucking little savages, reptiles large enough to finish off a Yorkshire Terrier for a light snack, and humidity that will make the loveliest of curls fly every which way. I fear a winter in Bath amongst the dreadfuls may be preferable.

  2. My dear Mrs. Bennet,

    I don't mean to quash your excitement, but I must concur with FarmWife. Clearly you have only the interests of your dear daughters at heart, and long to spare them the unpleasantness of unmentionables - but Florida? Perhaps not, dear. One hears stories. Disturbing stories. Stories of daring haberdashery and startling fruit varieties.

    It pains me but I must discreetly suggest something you may not have considered. I would never speak ill of Mrs. Lucas. She is a wonderful woman about whom I would never gossip. But one must ask oneself: Why would she suggest such a place to you?

    I do hope your your family has enjoyed an injury-free festive season.

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